Confrontational Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 After a team of experienced biologists and scientists discovered an elephant that managed to complete its journey to Somalia after abandoning the country more than twenty years ago, they were shocked to find strange marks on the same wilderness. An entire team of nearby EOP (Ethiopian Observatory of Pulls) scientists found torn shreds of green clothing scattered across the wasteland. "Highly unusual", lead scientist Tyler Dull stated. "We are familiar with these rare breed of green wearing natives, who are nearly extinct according to recent studies. But we never expected to find them here, in the wilderness." The unusually white scientist added something about yellow stains on the formerly green capes, mumbling "Pisstality" under his breath as he retreated to his tent to put on some sunscreen. Another scientist explained the unusual findings in lay man terms. "What you have to understand is that this "tribe", or clan so to speak, has taken retreat into safe harbors since their position in the hierarchy of nature dropped lower and lower. The last time we found one of these "Fi' members, which I believe to stand for ''Fery irrelevant", the lisping scientist stated, trying to maintain composure as his face twitched, "in the wilderness....well. Honestly, I don't really know. Must have been a long time ago. THHHHHHIMMMMEHHHHHH", he finally exclaimed, as a Paki looking scientist with the name tag Solo wheeled the other scientist away mumbling: "Because you were an irrelevant piece of brown sticky stuff back then". "The wilderness has been a highly contested area over the years, as multiple "clans" fought to claim those lands as theirs", Independent head of operations Girly Icedrink stated, who happened to be on-site during this investigation. He described the crime scene as he was seated behind his white and blue sponsored laptop, complaining about the bad internet reception in the middle of nowhere. "It was really, really awful to see actually. Green capes, green hats, green helms. Awful, honestly, honestly awful", he said, while counting various stacks of one dollar bills. "Why such barbaric methods of warfare still exist, I simply can't understand", as he inspected the traffic numbers in the surrounding areas since the news breaking discovery. He suddenly jumped up from his chair, yelled "Mom I'm going to be rich" and ran into the field yelling "LOOK AT ALL THESE INTERESTING DISCOVERIES AND THINGS I CAN DO, YOU ALL WILL MAKE ME RICH", but nobody in the camp really seemed to care. After thorough investigation the scientists found 37 green capes with the number 14 on their tag. "No, dumbass", a very black scientist noted, listening to the name Plawpy, "you put the numbers down wrong." He tilted the piece of paper and the other minion suddenly started nodding. "Ah, yes, yes yes. 14 green capes with the number 37, yes yes yes. They not big number!", he replied, drooling over his shirt. "Yeah I Am Mighty, good job bro", Plawpy mumbled, patting him on the bac, but not before rolling his eyes. The camp was able to continue their operations in peace, with only small tribes roaming the surroundings of the wilderness. "Yeah, we don't really care about them", a nameless EOP scientist told our reporter. "Rwanda's Division, Congonese Patrol, Somalia-Uganda's Party, they can't really do anything. Sure, they scavenge around a bit and pretend that they took part, but usually once you shoot an arrow or two at them they'll run for the hills. They're "in" the wilderness, sure, but they never actually go into the areas that matter." Highlight of the week occurred on Thursday, when seven safari cars approached the site. Thirty-five scrawny white suburban kids stepped out of the vehicles, and their camp leader wearing a rainbow scarf approached Girly Icedrink. "Ah, old friend", the site admin said as he hugged the flamboyant leader. "You look great", he added, and the flamboyant man tried to reply with "You look so fantastic I'd kiss you on the lips and fuck you in the ass", until he realized he wasn't on the internet and slowly undid his scarf. The now plain-looking forgettable camp leader said monotonously: "We're just here to take pictures, okay? I mean, we'll be around the area all day every day because we don't have anything else to do, but don't mind us! By the way boys, once you see a cape on the floor I want you all to yell "TLPEOP wins again okay, and make sure to take pictures! Okay? Let's go then!" he shouted as he gestured the children to follow him. "Yes sir Hanuman!" 34 eager kids replied. "IOBSESSION, I DIDNT HEAR YOU" the camp leader yelled. A twitchy kid stood in the back of the group as it halted, his eyebrows frowned and his face concentrated, but with his skinny arms spazzing in front of him. When the other kids starting laughing he realized he left his keyboard at home and followed the rest of the group, his head hanging in defeat. The massacre of the green clan was initially discovered by two adventurers exploring the area. Two pakis roamed the wilderness, and when they stumbled on the battleground they sank to their knees. "Somting terrabel has happened hier", one moaned, as he lifted the addy platebody from the floor. "30 defence!" he exclaimed, throwing his head towards the sky while exclaiming a loud battle roar. "Why?!" He carefully wrapped the remains of one of the green cloaks in his own blue cape. "We will never forget what you once were" he stated, tears welling up in his eyes, and he stood up. The other man rose as well, and opened his mouth: "Pling. Pling pling pling. Pling. Pling pling pling." The other paki stared in the distance, annoyed, his eyebrows frowned, and desperately prayed to the mighty Hindu gods as he ignored the sounds of the other man. "Please, release me of these retards and bring back Walli." Since the discovery, many tribes have come to see the defeat of the green clan with their own eyes. However, one tribe who normally roamed this wilderness with great passion remained absent. They hid in a tiny wooden shack built somewhere in the distance, and a mourning officer sat on a chair, his hands covering his face. The wooden door flung open, and an insane looking man entered the hut. "It is done! The ritual is complete!" "No...", the other mumbled as he stood up, "what did you do? The prophecy foretold us to be the number one pure tribe. It was never supposed to go like this. It shouldn't be like this!" "Shut up, you tofu!", the other shouted. "What have you done except for ruin our legacy? No more of it, I tell you. Your reign ends here. I am the leader now!" he yelled as he pointed to his own chest, and marched outside of the hut. "We will take control of the wilderness again!", he continued as he reached the open field in front of the hut. "But my lord Babalanka", Don mumbled as he followed him outside, "there simply isn't an army of that size. We'd need tens of soldiers, hundreds!" The radiating beams of the sun dodged his eyes for only a second and his eyes widened. Outside, in the barren wastelands, an army stood in front of him, their runite armor shining in the sun. "We will take back what is ours", Babalanka grinned maniacally, as the mains grouped in their fall-in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nICK2 Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 wat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 eh im here for my +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knikker Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Tldr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erdnA Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Tldr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D o n Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Holy fuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fliby Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 tl;dr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EV Ice Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Dat paragraph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iObsession Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Whoever u are flame me on ur normal acc pussy nerd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figment Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Can we start deleting these silly topics instantly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLPSmoker1 Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 who the fuck has the time to write brown sticky stuff like this get a life seriously Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blaze Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 wat the hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azrael Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Yeah, not reading all that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Pretty good read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colin Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Not bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jordan Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Tldr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultama Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 I wonder what spicies are lmfao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pain Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 k Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idk Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 That's a book nigga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-Swag Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Can anyone who read that give a quick summary so I can decide if its worth reading for myself thanks grats eop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azrael Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Can anyone who read that give a quick summary so I can decide if its worth reading for myself thanks grats eop Pretty sure no one has read it yet, we'll have to keep waiting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raccoon_187 Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Oh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckz Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Species* I believe that's what you were trying to say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazardous Posted March 17, 2016 Report Share Posted March 17, 2016 Read it entirely, pretty good banter had some lolz inbetween some lines Should post more of these Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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